


The Seduction of Anakin Skywalker

by DontCallMeShirley



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, F/M, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Smut, Multi, Nonsense, Out of Character, Pining, Polyamory, Seduction, Seduction to the Dark Side, messing with Sheev Palpatine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-01-05 21:42:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 20,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18374633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontCallMeShirley/pseuds/DontCallMeShirley
Summary: Anakin is falling to the dark side.  Obi Wan and Padme concoct a scheme to bring him back.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after the Rush Clovis episodes in Season 6, where Anakin went mental on him. I wanted this to be more ridiculous than it is, but he's pretty dark by that point, and thwarted my attempts at complete nonsense.

Anakin was pacing around behind Obi Wan in Obi Wan’s apartment, waiting impatiently for him to finish his reports so they could go spar.  The war had just started, which sucked; but married life with Padme was beyond his wildest dreams, and Obi Wan was treating him like an equal, and he’d somehow picked up a really cool padawan.  So besides the war, everything else was pretty damn good.

If only Obi Wan would hurry up though!  He was sitting at the kitchen table, bent over his datapad, wearing an old tunic that slipped down and exposed the nape of his neck.  He clearly hadn’t intended to leave his rooms again that night, not till Anakin had come by and begged him to spar. Padme was at some boring political function, but even if she wasn’t he always took advantage of spending time with his old master.

He watched Obi Wan as he worked.  He was in such a vulnerable position--he obviously trusted Anakin, sitting with his back to him, his neck exposed... He found himself wondering idly what it would be like to gently kiss that soft, exposed skin…

Wait, what?  He froze in mid-stride. He didn’t want to kiss Obi Wan’s neck!  What the hell kind of thought was that?! He didn’t like men! No.  He didn’t. But Obi Wan…Obi Wan was just... His mind wandered to their last mission, where Obi Wan had taken a blaster bolt to his hip. He’d had to remove his robes and tunics and undertunics so Anakin could clean it.  The play of rippling muscle and smooth skin and the beginnings of Obi Wan’s happy trail had been surprisingly mesmerizing… 

Anakin snapped out of his daydream, horrified.  “I remembered! I forgot! Gotta go!” he yelled out suddenly.  He could feel Obi Wan’s confusion in their bond and heard the “Anakin?” as he bolted out of the apartment.

He sprinted to the speeder bay, knowing he had to run away, umm, get away, and clear his head, that is. He would go see Padme.  He needed Padme. She always made everything better.

 

******

That was the first time he had noticed that Obi Wan was...well...um. He had a hard time even admitting to himself how much he well...ugh.  Even thinking it to himself was difficult. Okay. So, attractive. Yes, Obi Wan was attractive. However, he was with Padme, and he was married to Padme, and Padme was AMAZING, and there was no way he could also want Obi Wan.  So he shoved that thought way down deep with all the other thoughts he wasn’t supposed to be having.

A couple of months later he and Obi Wan were sitting next to each other on a bench, waiting for some dignitary to come out of his meeting so they could escort him home.  They were both tired, and had their heads resting against the wall. Obi Wan leaned in toward Anakin to make one of his stupid jokes, which Anakin didn’t even hear because he was getting a nice view of Obi Wan’s copper-colored hair, and it smelled wonderful, like a warm spring breeze on Alderaan.  He closed his eyes and leaned a little closer and took several deep sniffs. 

His eyes popped open suddenly to find Obi Wan looking at him, puzzled.  

“Falling asleep! Fresher! Water! Face!” he yelled out as he scurried away.

 

*****

Every few weeks something else would happen that sent Anakin into an Obi-Wan-inspired fantasy. After awhile, it started to make him angry.  He was in love with Padme, for crying out loud. And Obi Wan was an annoying know-it-all, and he was as old as dirt, and he would never return Anakin’s feelings anyway.

But as much as he tried to remind himself of these things, the feelings remained, and made him even angrier. Everything made him angrier now. The war was just grinding them all down, and each choice was crappy vs. crappier, and so many people were dying, and then Obi Wan pretended to be dead and Ahsoka left the Jedi.

Even Padme couldn’t make all of that better. 


	2. Chapter 2

Obi Wan wasn’t blind to Anakin’s physical interest in him, although because of their shared history he figured it was better to let Anakin approach him.  He also wasn’t blind to Anakin’s infatuation with Padme, or to his growing anger problems. 

So when he went to talk to Anakin after Yoda sensed his seething hatred of Rush Clovis, and got nothing but rage and fear and sorrow out of him, he decided something simply must be done.  As any good strategist would, he studied the problem from all angles, and came up with a rather unorthodox solution that he hoped would work. But first he had someone to consult.

 

*****

 

He may have a solution, but it didn’t mean he was not incredibly nervous about the whole thing. He called on all his Jedi training to remain still at the door, and not rock back and forth on his heels; or, even worse, run away.  She had all kinds of security in place, and she would know he’d pulled a ring and run. How uncivilized.

The door finally opened and he was ushered into Padme’s spacious living area by Anakin’s quirky droid, C-3PO. The view was stunning, but he was in no mood to take it in.  He was thankful that the long sleeves of his robe hid his hands, which he was twisting together. This whole thing could go horribly awry. 

“Master Kenobi,” she said coming into the room, clearly surprised.  “Is something wrong?”

His unexpected appearance had startled her—she was afraid he had bad news about Anakin, he realized, with a pang.  But...there was something else, too. Fear. Unhappiness. She was truly troubled.

“No, nothing wrong,” he said smoothly. “We just haven’t seen each other for awhile, and I had some free time. And please, call me Obi Wan.  I thought we’d settled that.”

She smiled then.  “Obi Wan, of course.  It  _ is _ good to see you,” she said, leading him to the couch.  “C-3PO,” she said, calling over the droid. “Please bring us some wine and cheese and crackers.”

He knew she didn’t believe this was purely a social visit, but she was willing to play along for now, giving him time to come around to his true purpose.  Always the consummate politician. 

They nibbled on their cheese and sipped their wine and made pleasant small talk. Padme invited him to stay for dinner, and he found himself accepting gratefully. They had a lot in common and it was a pleasure to speak of art and culture and forget the war for a bit. 

But eventually, when they were both pleasantly full and pleasantly buzzed, he steered the conversation to Anakin. 

“I don’t know if Anakin ever told you this story, “ he began, before launching into a recap of one of Anakin’s more hair-raising schemes. They were back on the couch at this point, very relaxed. “And somehow he had no pants!” Obi Wan concluded, as Padme doubled over with laughter. 

She sat up and wiped her eyes, then leaned against the back of the couch bonelessly. She smiled at Obi Wan, and licked her lips. “You know Anakin and I are in a relationship, don’t you.” It wasn’t a question. He nodded, and she closed her eyes. “Lately though...lately he’s…” she trailed off. “Different. Angry. I feel I’ve lost the sweet, loving man I knew. I don’t know what to do.” 

Obi Wan stroked his beard, and waded in. He wasn’t going to get a better opportunity. “Yes. Sometimes it feels like he’s being consumed by darkness, doesn’t it. I’ve--I’ve been considering how to handle it.”

Padme’s eyes were half closed, but they held an alert gleam. He found himself looking down at the carpet. “He struggles with the very Jedi precepts that should be able to help him. I believe he needs something more...untraditional.”

“What are you proposing?” 

“I’ve noticed that Anakin is--well, that he’s attracted to me.” Padme nodded. Aha, he thought, meeting her gaze. Here goes nothing. 

“With your permission I’d like to act on that. To woo him. To show him he doesn’t have to choose between us. And to show him that perhaps the Jedi path is not for him.” Obi Wan leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He pinched the bridge of his nose. He still couldn’t believe he’d come up with this cockamamie plan--and even worse, that it was the one most likely to work.  “I propose to leave the Jedi Order with Anakin, after the war.”

Padme perked up. “You would do that? For him? Leave the Jedi?”

“I would. He’s becoming dangerous to others and to himself.”

“And you love him.”

Obi Wan looked at her steadily. This wasn’t as hard as he’d thought it would be. He wondered if it had anything to do with the wine. “And I love him. I--when it comes to a choice between the Order and Anakin’s--well, his soul--it’s no choice at all, you see.  But I don’t want to do anything to interfere in your relationship with him. He needs you too.  I don't know exactly how it would work, with the three of us, but I'm sure we could arrange something.”

She sighed then and scooted closer, laying her head on his shoulder. She whispered, “You have my blessing.” He put his arm around her and squeezed. Then she added, “I have to tell you something first.”

“That Anakin might not reciprocate? Yes, I know. But I have to try. This is the best solution I’ve come up with.”

“Nooo...that won’t be a problem. He talks about you a lot. Even at, er inappropriate moments.” She blushed, and so did he.

“Sorry,” he said, but she shook her head and put her fingers to his lips.

“Shh. Anakin should have told you, but he didn’t so I will. It’s something you should know before you start this...venture.” She took a deep breath. “We’re married. Anakin and I got married.”

He stiffened and would have turned to look at her but she held him in place. “Married?”

“Married. It seems foolish in retrospect, but we were caught up in the moment. In the romance. I believed that love could conquer all, even all our differences.  I don’t regret it. Or I didn’t. Now though… I wonder if it’s helping push him over the edge. He—he scares me sometimes, Obi Wan.”

He could hear the regret in her voice. It was regret he felt as well. For so many things.

She had been worn down by the war and the corruption and whatever was going on with Anakin. Otherwise he was sure she wouldn’t have been so forthcoming. They sat in silence for a moment, leaning on each other, each lost in thoughts of Anakin.

Finally he said, “I haven’t exactly helped by expecting him to be like me, like other Jedi, instead of understanding him for who he is.” Then he drew away and held out his hand to her. “Partners?”

She shook his hand, and looked him straight in the eye. “Partners.” Her smile faded. “Anakin has more things he needs to tell you. They’re not my stories to share.” Obi Wan nodded, wondering what else there could be, and hoping he could regain Anakin’s trust. Then she picked up the wine bottle and topped them both off. “Things are getting entirely too sober in here. Bottoms up!” And they spent the rest of the evening getting very drunk indeed and sharing stories of Anakin, some of them highly embarrassing.

 

*****

They woke up the next morning on the couch, cuddled up together under a blanket that some thoughtful soul had thrown over them. Padme plied him with pain relievers and water and a deliciously greasy breakfast before he went on his way. He had been afraid things would be awkward, but instead they were surprisingly comfortable. She even hugged him goodbye and told him to let her know how things progressed. She hadn’t changed her mind in the light of day. He could sense her gratitude.

He hadn’t expected that. 

He had told her some of his ideas for courting Anakin, and she had given him some helpful pointers. He found he had just enough time to run a quick errand before shipping out to the outer rim, where the 212th would meet with the 501st. He found himself looking forward to his campaign.


	3. Chapter 3

Obi Wan and the 212th had just joined them on Felucia, but it didn’t bring the feeling of satisfaction that it would once have done. Not since Obi Wan had pretended to be dead. Anakin stalked back to his tent, knowing he wouldn’t sleep well but still needing to lie down.  He ducked through the doorway and stopped short. Sitting on his cot was a package, beautifully wrapped with an ornate, sparkly bow. He looked around to see if it was some kind of mistake. Maybe someone left it here thinking this was Obi Wan’s tent; it was well known that they often shared quarters.

He went closer and picked the box up.  There, in meticulous print, was  _ his _ name.  Anakin. He recognized the handwriting.  It was Obi Wan’s. Why had Obi Wan left this present for him?  He racked his brains. No, it wasn’t his life day. Or any major Tatooine or Coruscanti holiday.  Obi Wan was not much of a gift-giver anyway. He tentatively pulled on one end of the ribbon and slowly unwrapped the box.  Inside were a collection of pallie candies, crystallized and sparkling with sugar. His heart nearly stopped. He had only had these sparingly as a child, and they were incredibly hard to come by off of Tatooine.  Or even on Tatooine, for that matter. 

He stared at them, afraid to touch them.  Wondering if it was some kind of trick. Finally, he put the lid back on the box and was on his way to find Obi Wan when who should appear but Obi Wan himself.

Anakin blinked at him and wordlessly held out the box on his palm.  

“Oh good, you found it,” said Obi Wan.  I was on my way back from a meeting at the senate building and saw those in a candy shop window.  I remember you saying once that they were your favorites.”

Anakin was confused.  Obi Wan got him a present?  Just because? And he remembered Anakin saying that was his favorite candy--and that must have been years and years ago.  Nobody ever remembered little stuff like that.

He wanted to make a joke, or possibly a cutting comment, but his heart swelled and instead he just mumbled “Thanks.” He retreated into his tent to sit on his cot and stare at the candy.  He was almost afraid to eat one and break the spell.

 

******

He eventually fell asleep, with the box sitting by his head. He had finally eaten a piece, and it was even more magical than he’d remembered, conjuring joyful childhood memories of his mother. It had been a long time since he’d thought of her with anything but desperation and torment.

When he woke up it was only early evening, so he went looking for Obi Wan. He was feeling agitated and wanted to press the issue, to know what exactly was behind his gift, what Obi Wan was up to. 

He had worked up a healthy dose of righteous indignation by the time he got to Obi Wan’s tent, and he knocked forcefully on the door, ready to storm in and start accusing him--of what he did not know.

The gentle, “Come in,” did nothing to abate his anger, but when he threw open the door he found the wind taken out of his sails. Obi Wan was sitting on a camp chair, feet propped up on a packing case, a flimsiplast book open on his lap; and the setting sun streamed through the window, setting his beautiful hair alight and making his eyes look impossibly blue. He was a Vision.

“I’m glad you’re here Anakin,” said the Vision.  Er, Obi Wan. Obi Wan gestured to the other chair in the tent. “Please, have a seat.”

He leaned over and poured some amber liquid into a cup, handing it to Anakin, who grabbed it gratefully and took a hearty swig that left him coughing.  Whoa, that was strong, but holding the cup gave him something to do. Besides gawk. He realized that Obi Wan was still talking. 

“I was just reading some poetry, I find that it helps relax me in stressful times.  Shall I read some aloud?” 

Finally Anakin managed to grunt, “Sure.” His communication skills had really taken a nosedive. He tried to keep his gaze on the floor, but as Obi Wan began reading, his eyes drifted up and he found himself staring at the other man again.

 

_ I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair. _

_ Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets. _

_ Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day _

_ I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps. _

 

_ I hunger for your sleek laugh, _

_ your hands the color of a savage harvest, _

_ hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails, _

_ I want to eat your skin like a whole almond. _

 

_ I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body, _

_ the sovereign nose of your arrogant face, _

_ I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes, _

 

_ and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight, _

_ hunting for you, for your hot heart, _

_ like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue.* _

  
  


“That’s...that’s…very nice,” he finally said.  Very nice?? Did he really just say that? His skin felt hot, his stomach fluttery. That wasn’t  _ very nice _ , that was STEAMY. He wanted to fan himself, but instead gripped the cup tighter. He took another gulp.  

“Shall I read another?”

There was a look in Obi Wan’s eye that he’d never seen before—at least not directed at  _ him.  _  Was he… could he be…  He was starting to understand how the sand rabbit felt as the snake glided toward it.  Anakin nodded helplessly. He couldn’t tear himself away now even if Obi Wan decided to start reading quartermaster reports.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Love Sonnet XI by Pablo Neruda


	4. Chapter 4

The ensuing battles felt different.  Or he supposed the battles didn’t feel different, he did.  His low-level but constant hatred for all separatists, all battle droids, was...less. Primarily because he hardly paid them any attention.

No, now he was consumed with thoughts of Obi Wan.  Was Obi Wan--was it possible--could it be--was Obi Wan  _ hitting on _ him?  He felt feverish.  What should he do? Should he ask him?  No, what if Obi Wan wasn’t and he said he wasn’t interested!  Or what if he laughed? Or even worse, what if he felt sorry for him?  Ugh. No, asking directly was not in it. He would have to be subtle and sly, and figure it out another way.

Maybe he could ask Padme? No, bad idea. They weren’t really on speaking terms since the Rush Clovis Incident.  Then again, maybe he could make her jealous, show her what it felt like! 

No, no, no, bad idea. He was supposed to be a calm Jedi knight and a mature husband, not a jealous rageaholic. He clenched his fists and noticed his anger was making things levitate in his tent again. He released a ragged breath.

No. He would ask nobody. He would talk to nobody. But it surely wouldn’t hurt to spend some more time with Obi Wan. How else was he to uncover his nefarious plot?

 

*****

 

They left Felucia again--again because no matter how many times they “won” there, the Separatists always returned--and moved on to some other outer rim planet. Anakin knew that it had an actual name, but he just called it Dirt Planet IV because he was annoyed that they were still out in the outer rim.  Weren’t they ever going home? 

They had had a very successful battle that day, and had pulverized the Separatist forces, and he was feeling good about that.  However, he was also feeling salty about Obi Wan. He couldn’t figure out what the sith the man was up to, and it was making him crazy.  And also aroused, which was making him crazier. He wanted to go home to Padme, and grovel until she took him back. 

There wasn’t much open space on this planet, so he was bunking with Obi Wan.  That made everything both better and worse.

After he’d cleaned up and chatted a bit with Rex and the other men, he dragged himself to the tent, full of both fear and excitement.  As he drew closer he heard melodious sounds coming from the tent. Obi Wan was singing.

He pressed his ear up against the tent wall for a minute to listen.  That was a mistake though, because Obi Wan sensed him. He stopped singing and called out, “I know you’re out there Anakin. I’m decent, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Decent?  Force give him strength.  He went through the door. And although he really, really didn’t want to ask, apparently his mouth had other ideas.

“What were you singing, Obi Wan? I haven’t heard you singing in years.”

“You like it?  It was popular when I was a youngling.  It’s called ‘Your Song’.” And he started singing again.

 

_ And you can tell everybody this is your song  _

_ It may be quite simple but now that it's done  _

_ I hope you don't mind  _

_ I hope you don't mind  _

_ That I put down in words _

_ How wonderful life is while you're in the world*  _

 

Their eyes met and held. Anakin was drowning, desperate, hungry. He could stand it no longer. He grabbed Obi Wan by one shoulder, and jabbed his finger into his chest. Their foreheads were almost touching.

“Alright Kenobi!  What’s your game!” he shouted.  He could see Obi Wan’s throat working as he swallowed. A bead of sweat glistened at his collar bone. His lips parted.  

“Anakin, I’d like to talk to you about something.”

“Anakin?”

Obi Wan snapped his fingers in front of Anakin’s face.  “Anakin?”

Anakin reared back. “I do!” he yelled out.  Oops. “Er, what?”

Obi Wan raised his eyebrows at him, but just smiled.  “Anakin, I want to talk to you about something.”

Anakin realized how close they were, and backed up.  Obi Wan grabbed his wrist before he could get too far though.  Electricity danced through his arm.

“I’m afraid you’ve misconstrued my overtures toward you,” he said, gazing soulfully into Anakin’s eyes.

Anakin wasn’t sure he knew what that meant.  Why did Obi Wan have to sound like he swallowed a dictionary?  Why didn’t he let go of Anakin’s arm? Why was it so hot in here?

Obi Wan must have realized he needed to be clearer, for he leaned in then and said, “Surely you haven’t missed my romantic interest you.  But you haven’t said anything. Actually, you seem a bit agitated. I would like to court you, but only if you reciprocate my feelings. If you aren’t interested, I will, of course, cease my attentions.”

Cease?!  Oh Force no.  Anakin blinked.  Wait, what had he said?  “Did you say court? You’re courting me? As in a relationship?” He could hear his voice getting higher and higher. He cleared his throat.  Oh boy oh boy...oh yes...yes... 

Oh wait. He was married. To Padme. His Angel.

“I, er, I, um,” he began, but Obi Wan deftly cut him off.

“I’ve already gotten Padme’s blessing to woo you, but of course it’s up to you,” he explained.

“Padme? Woo?  Me?” 

Obi Wan reached out and stroked his cheek lightly with the back of his hand.  “Padme, woo, you,” he agreed.

Anakin launched himself into Obi Wan’s arms, a little more forcefully than Obi Wan was expecting, because the next thing he knew they were tumbling over the cot and hitting the ground. 

“Ooof!”

After much flailing and disentangling of limbs, they regained their feet.

Anakin liked this idea of being courted.  It sounded very fancy and formal and romantic. Just like one of those period romances on the holonet that he watched on the sly. And Padme said it was okay...

“Yes, you may court me,” he announced, and stuck his hand out at such an angle that all Obi Wan could do was kiss it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Your Song" by Bernie Taupin/Elton John, but imagine the version from Moulin Rouge with Ewan McGregor singing. Thanks Ewan!!
> 
> Also, I am not following the timeline exactly (like, I don't know when they were on specific planets or for how long).


	5. Chapter 5

Anakin immediately scampered off to call Padme.  He established a secure connection, and as he waited he tried to remember to breathe.  He settled for pacing vigorously instead, at least as much as he could within the confines of the tent.

Finally, Padme’s image appeared.

“Anakin!  It’s so good to see you!” And she did, in fact, look like she was pleased.  Such a change from their last conversation.

Stars but he had missed her!  He longed to take her in his arms, but instead he just sighed and stared. Then he remembered he had something to say.

“Padme!  Obi Wan has asked if he can ‘court’ me!  And he said he checked with you first, and  _ you _ gave him permission!”

She smiled benevolently.  “I did indeed. And how is it going so far?”

“He’s so romantic!  I had no idea!” he gushed.  Suddenly, an ugly suspicion raised its head.  And never one to avoid letting ugly suspicions take hold of him, he narrowed his eyes.  “Padme! Are you and Obi Wan having an affair?! Is that what this is all about?!”

She crossed her arms. “Really, Anakin? Do you really trust either of us that little?” Even through the hologram he could see her blazing eyes, and noted the tapping of her foot.  “Go get Obi Wan.” Anakin continued to stand there, glowering, knowing he was doing everything wrong but not sure how to fix it. 

“Go! Now!”

And he went.  

He opened up his bond to find Obi Wan, and ran straight for him.  

“Anakin, what is it?” Obi Wan asked.  He was in their tent, writing up reports. He was always writing up reports.  

Anakin was scared, so of course that made him angry.  “Padme wants to talk to you,” he snarled.

Obi Wan just lifted one elegant brow.  “Right this second? I’m in the middle of…” 

“Now!” barked Anakin.  Why? Why couldn’t he stop himself from snapping? Turning on his heel before he made it even worse, he strode back to the communications tent.  He sensed Obi Wan following him. Thank goodness.

Padme had been looking at a datapad while she waited for their return.  “Ah good, there you are,” she said as Obi Wan entered her line of vision.  “It appears Anakin doesn’t trust us. He thinks we are each agreeing to be in a relationship with him because really it is you and I having a secret affair.”

Obi Wan stood there thoughtfully, stroking his beard and watching Anakin, who squirmed uncomfortably. “Is that right,” he finally said. “Well, you are very attractive Padme, but I hope you understand that my focus is currently on Knight Skywalker.”

“Same, Obi Wan,” she said.  “Same.”

Knight Skywalker was wishing wholeheartedly that the ground would open and swallow him up already.

“It looks like Anakin and I need to build trust between us once more, before we can begin anything physical.”

“That sounds challenging,” she said.  “Let me know how it goes. It looks like he and I are going to need to try it as well.”

“Yes, it does,” Obi Wan agreed.  

If he wasn’t frozen in place by Obi Wan’s unblinking stare he would have run away.  As it was he could only swallow convulsively. “You don’t have to talk about me like I’m not here,” he grumped.  

Obi Wan just raised an eyebrow before turning back to Padme.  “I have some ideas, My Dear. Let’s talk again soon, shall we?” he said.  

Padme nodded.  “Sounds lovely.  

And the call was ended.

Obi Wan fixed Anakin with  _ that _ look. “Come along,” he said, heading back toward their tent.  Anakin shuffled along nervously behind him. What was going to happen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Anakin! Didn't anyone ever tell you not to look a gift eopie in the mouth?


	6. Chapter 6

Silently, Obi Wan moved their cots and chairs and desk to the sides of the tent. Anakin didn’t offer to help, just followed him with his eyes, hungrily.  Warily. 

Finally, he faced Anakin. “I need to research additional trust-building exercises, but this is a basic one.  You will close your eyes, and fall, and trust me to catch you.”

Anakin scoffed.  “I already trust you Obi Wan!  Don’t we always trust each other in battle?”

Obi Wan raised an eyebrow. “We do.  But you obviously don’t trust me emotionally.  You married Padme without saying anything. And just now you accused us of carrying on an affair.”

Anakin’s face felt like it was on fire.  He squirmed. He wanted to protest some more but he couldn’t.  Hey, wait a minute…

“You know Padme and I are married?!!” 

Obi Wan nodded.  “Yes. Because she told me so when I asked for permission to court you.” The other eyebrow went up.  “ _ You _ certainly never told me.”

Anakin totally would have run away for real then except Obi Wan was in front of the door. Maybe he could just pull out his lightsaber and cut a hole through this here back wall…

Obi Wan noticed his eyes hunting for a means of escape.

“Anakin,” he said gently, “I want you to trust me again.  We can’t build an intimate relationship without it. We can’t even have a reliable partnership in the field if you don’t think I have your best interests at heart.”

Anakin looked down and mumbled, “You don’t have my best interests at heart.  The Order and the Council and the Republic all come first.”

That felt good to say!  But he could tell he’d hurt Obi Wan.  He could feel the other man’s sad gaze and feelings of regret. 

“I’m sorry I’ve made you feel that way. That whole Rako Hardeen debacle just made everything worse, didn’t it.”  

Anakin nodded.

“But it didn’t start there.  There was already a rift.”

Anakin looked up then, and met Obi Wan’s eyes.  He wanted to deny it, but he wasn’t wrong. He nodded again.

Obi Wan sighed.  “Okay. Then we need to change that. Like I said, we’ll start with a basic trust exercise.  You close your eyes, you fall, you trust me to catch you. And no using the Force.” He moved Anakin toward the door of the tent so there’d be enough space behind him to fall.

“But…” Anakin almost pointed out that he could sense Obi Wan anywhere, and wasn’t sure how to shut that off.  But then he realized that he would be falling into Obi Wan’s arms. And that sounded like a good place to be.

Obi Wan was talking, the cadence of his voice soothing, the accent sexy as always.  He stopped listening to what Obi Wan was saying exactly, as his mind wandered back to Obi Wan singing to him.  That had been amazing. And soon he would be falling into Obi Wan’s arms. Perhaps while he was there Obi Wan would embrace him, and their lips would meet…”

“...now…” he heard, and so he let himself fall backwards.

“No! Anakin!” He almost hit the floor before Obi Wan cushioned his fall with the Force.  

What?  What happened?  Why didn’t Obi Wan catch him?!

“Anakin! Were you listening to anything I said?” he demanded.  Anakin wanted to say yes, but perhaps he should be honest.

“Er, no? I mean, I was listening, but then I stopped.”  Busted! So embarrassing. What if Obi Wan decided he was just too much trouble??  He opened his eyes to find Obi Wan crouched beside him, shaking his head and tutting with concern.  He was afraid Obi Wan would be annoyed, but instead he just looked...fond?

“Oh Anakin.” Obi Wan reached out a hand to brush a stray curl off of Anakin’s forehead.  “I wasn’t ready yet! I was telling you about some other trust exercises I’d read about, but how we would be starting small and working our way up. I was forgetting how impatient you are.”  He smiled then, a real smile that reached his eyes. Anakin smiled back reflexively. 

“Let’s try this again, shall we?  And this time I won’t talk so much.”

So Anakin paid attention, and when Obi Wan said “Now,” he let himself fall backwards.  Obi Wan caught him, and lowered him to the floor. He gave him a kiss on the forehead that, while sweet, was not quite what he had had in mind.  

Baby steps.  Baby steps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I saw one of those trust fall fail videos recently, and it made me think of Anakin. He would totally fall the wrong way, or at the wrong time. :D That's what got me started on this silly story.


	7. Chapter 7

The next few days were punctuated with battles, and there was not much time left over for wooing. Still, Obi Wan brought him snacks, and held the tent door for him, and even brought him some flowers that he’d culled from a nearby field.  They kind of looked more like trampled weeds, but Anakin wasn’t complaining.

Not about that, at any rate.  What he was complaining about was the lack of physical contact.

Finally, they wrapped everything up on Dirt Planet IV (or whatever it’s name was) and were heading back to Coruscant on the Resolute.  

Obi Wan had cooked up another trust exercise that he wanted to try. Anakin wasn’t so sure about it though.

“We just sit here and stare at each other for five minutes?” he asked, skeptically.  “That’s it?” 

“Well, the first time, yes.  Then we can add to it.”

“Add to it?”

“Then we add to it, and tell each other five things we are grateful for.”

“Hmm.  If you say so.”  Anakin was disappointed. So far courting didn’t involve kissing, and he was ready for the kissing to start.  And the groping. Don’t forget the groping.

“Anakin, I’m not going to kiss you yet,” said Obi Wan, breaking into his reverie.  At Anakin’s outraged glare Obi Wan added, “Not that I don’t want to. But we have to rebuild our relationship before it can progress.”

Time to go on the offense.  “And what if we don’t like kissing each other?  We don’t know because we haven’t tried it! Maybe this is a waste of time!”

Obi Wan took his hand then, and smiled at him with those sparkly blue eyes, and Anakin felt his anger, and some of his higher brain processes, float away.  He was totally going to like kissing Obi Wan. And rubbing up against him. And rubbing up against him naked. And rubbing up against him when Obi Wan was naked too. 

“Even if all we do is regain trust and friendship it will be worth it,” Obi Wan was saying when Anakin returned to the conversation.  

“If you say so, Obi Wan,” he said, swallowing his disappointment.

So they sat on the floor on their meditation mats, facing each other; and Obi Wan, always so precise, started a timer.

“Now,” he said.  And they looked into each other’s eyes.  

Anakin could see the love there, as well as feel it in their bond.  Obi Wan loved him! Oh that felt good. So many feelings swirled around him that he had to resist the urge to look away.  Finally, he could take it no longer and he looked down. 

“Three minutes!  Pretty good, Anakin,” Obi Wan said, clearly pleased.

“But it was supposed to be five minutes!” he whined, frustrated.

“This isn’t supposed to be easy, Anakin.  It’s not a race or a contest. We’ll try again tomorrow.”

“Not tomorrow,” Anakin declared.  “Later. I want to get to the gratitude part.”  He didn’t mention that he hoped the gratitude part included naked touching.

 

*****

By the next day they’d gotten the hang of gazing into each other’s eyes for five minutes, and were able to move on to saying thinks they liked and appreciated about the other.

Obi Wan offered to go first.  “You’re very loyal,” he said.

“You’re very patient,” Anakin replied.  He had thought he would run out of things to say, but so far he hadn’t.  Turns out there were lots of things he liked about Obi Wan.

Then it was time to move on to the next stage: Telling the other something they had done that was hurtful.  

They started small, with petty annoyances and grievances that had built up over the years, but at the end of the day there were two big ones.

“Getting secretly married.”

“Pretending you were dead.”

They stared hard at each other.  

“But I’m glad I know about your marriage now,” Obi Wan finally said.

“And I’m glad you’re not dead.” Anakin heard the hitch in his voice and cursed himself.  But Obi Wan leaned over gently and caressed his cheek, and then gave him a soft, chaste kiss on the lips that was over far too soon.  

Yes, it was over far too soon.  Anakin was done with this waiting nonsense.  He reached out his hands and held Obi Wan’s face between them.  Then he leaned in and kissed him back. It wasn’t long before Obi Wan’s mouth opened, and their tongues met and danced, and the Force sparked around them.  When they pulled apart they were both breathing hard. They stared at each other, surprised. 

Wow.  

Obi Wan, a strange light in his eye, crawled over to Anakin and pinned him to the floor, kissing him even more thoroughly than before. Their hands were everywhere, up under robes and into each other’s leggings. Anakin’s head had pretty much floated away from his body when Obi Wan pulled back suddenly.

“No! Sorry!” He shook himself.  “No, we need to do this in the right order.  First we rebuild trust. Then--then--” and he fled.

Anakin just lay on the floor, panting and staring at the ceiling. Well that was frustrating.  He wanked himself off, thinking of Obi Wan, and wondering how to get a repeat performance. 

 

*****

Ever since Anakin had initiated that kiss, they’d had a hard time keeping their hands to themselves.  Light caresses, furtive pats, accidental rub-ups. The sensations evoked in that kiss were more intense than either of them had expected, and made it hard to stick to Obi Wan’s trust-building routine.  The best part was that Obi Wan was clearly just as affected as he was. But Obi Wan was also a stickler for setting rules and boundaries; and he had set out to rebuild trust between them, and by the Force he intended to see it through.

It was the last day on the ship, and they agreed to each share a secret.  Anakin’s palms were sweating. Obi Wan already knew about Padme. Should he tell him about the Sand People?  No. Obi Wan would never look at him the same way again. The courtship would be off. All chance of hot jedi sex would be off.  He loved Obi Wan, he adored Obi Wan, but Obi Wan was a proper jedi and all-around good human being, and would not, but NOT understand his wholesale murder of an entire tribe of sentients.  He had to keep his wits about him and keep this under wraps. Perhaps one day, when their romantic relationship was fully established, he would tell him...but not yet.

The trust exercises began as usual, with five minutes of solid eye contact, followed by five things they were each grateful for.  

“I’ll go first again, shall I?” asked Obi Wan.  He looked uncomfortable, but resolute. Anakin could feel his disquiet through their bond.  What could Obi Wan possibly have to confess? It was probably about reports that he turned in late, or an overdue library holo.

Obi Wan took a deep breath. “When Darth Maul mortally injured Qui Gon, I was absolutely enraged.  I--I tapped into the dark side in my anger, and attacked him with it.”

Anakin’s jaw dropped.  Obi Wan? Dark side?

Obi Wan looked away briefly, then continued.  “As it turns out, it didn’t help, it just unbalanced me.  I had to recenter myself and refocus on the light. Only then was I able to defeat him.  Well, ‘defeat’ being a relative term, as it turns out…” he winced. 

“You? You used the dark side?” Anakin was dumbfounded.  Obi Wan Kenobi, perfect jedi? No. Kriffin. Way.

Obi Wan hung his head in shame.  “I did. But I was so angry and hurt I couldn’t see straight.”

Boy did Anakin know that feeling.  He couldn’t believe his perfect master had felt that way too. Maybe he would understand after all.  “I killed all the Tusken Raiders!” Anakin blurted out. Oh no, wait, that wasn’t right. What was happening?

“You--what?” Obi Wan looked understandably confused.

Anakin’s mouth kept talking.  “They captured my mother and tortured her, and I slaughtered the whole tribe!  Like animals, they were animals!”

His brain caught up to what had happened, and he realized what he had done.  Oh no. Oh no. Obi Wan was starting at him in incomprehension and a dawning horror, and Anakin jumped up and fled.

He heard “Anakin, wait!” through the bond, but he slammed down his shields.  They were approaching Coruscant, and he was pretty sure he could stay hidden until they landed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexy times are getting closer! Even after Anakin's accidental confession.


	8. Chapter 8

Anakin managed to sneak off the ship and right out of the temple while Obi Wan was organizing everything for their arrival.  He didn’t stop until he’d ended up at Padme’s apartment. He let himself in, fended of C3PO’s well-meaning questions and offers, and holed up in her bedroom.  C3PO had told him she was at the senate, and wouldn’t be home for awhile. Didn’t matter. He could wait. And wait. And wait. And hide. And possibly lose his mind.  As long as Obi Wan couldn’t find him it was all good.

His com-link buzzed--it was Obi Wan.  He left a message. “Anakin, we need to meet with the council and debrief them. And we need to talk.  Where are you?”

He deleted it. Then he turned the comlink off.

He got tired of sitting in her bedroom, so he took to prowling around the apartment.  What was taking so long? He looked at a chronometer. He’d only been here 30 minutes? He smacked his forehead.

Would she let him stay here?  Would she send him away? He had really scared her when he attacked Rush Clovis.  But boy had that guy deserved it! No, that was the wrong attitude. He took a deep breath and released it.  Beating the tar out of people was wrong. Even if you did it because they had the nerve to be attracted to your hot, secret wife!  Another breath. 

He didn’t think this line of thought was going to help him calm down.  You know what else wasn’t going to help him calm down? Thinking about Obi Wan and the sith-damned Sand People.  Yes, so he definitely wouldn’t think about that. 

Maybe a drink would help.  As he rifled around Padme’s cabinets he found a fancy gem-encrusted goblet and her special Corellian rum.  That would work. He filled it to the rim. 

“Down the hatch!” He took a big gulp.  Then another. He could feel it burning on the way down.  Another big drink and he was starting to feel a little better.  Ah. Felt good to take the edge off. No wonder Obi Wan liked liquor so much.

Oh wait, we’re not thinking about him.  Another big sip, and--where was the rest of the rum?  He peered into the cup intently. It seems to have disappeared.  How strange. He should fill it up again. He walked very carefully back to the counter and refilled his goblet.  There, that was better.

He made his way back to the couch and had a seat.  He sipped the rum a bit more slowly this time. He grabbed some snacks, and flipped the holonet to a podracing channel.  He kicked off his boots, laid down on the sofa, and was soon snoring lustily.

*****

Padme arrived home soon thereafter, and found herself staring down at her troublesome husband, sprawled across her couch. What a mess. He was surrounded by empty candy wrappers, and she could smell the alcohol from here.  And why was he drinking from her Nubian heirloom? That goblet had been in her family for eight generations! 

He was lucky she and Obi Wan loved him so much.

Obi Wan had commed her and filled her in, so she had left work early.  The poor guy had sounded like he was in shock, and she quickly realized it was better to give them some time apart.  She told Obi Wan she’d keep Anakin here for now, and to let her know when he needed him back.

She was tempted to drop something heavy on his stomach to wake him up, but decided that though it might be satisfying, it would not improve matters.  Instead she threw a blanket on him and went to her home office to finish reading through the bills that were being prepared for a vote.

*****

Several hours later Padme stood up and stretched.  She had gotten through a fair amount of work, and felt a lot better at having accomplished something.  She had already removed her heavy senatorial garb and changed into a lounging gown, but she hadn’t bothered to eat before she got started, and now she was hungry.  She gave C3PO orders on what to prepare, and went back to check on Anakin. He was starting to stir, and she found herself smiling fondly at him. He might be a mess, but he was her loveable mess. Her fondness turned warmer as she noted his disheveled curls, thick lashes, broad shoulders...

He opened his eyes then and saw her looking down at him.  He shied back a bit, skittish. Just like a shaak that needed taming.  Hmm. Shaaks. They’d never tried doing it shaak style, had they?

“Hi Anakin.” Her voice was throaty. She held out a gentle hand to him.  He eyed it cautiously. He was so hesitant. She wasn’t sure why she found that appealing, but she did.  Her smile broadened. She supposed they should eat first, and really, there wasn’t a rush. They had all night.

*****

Anakin was pleasantly sore the next morning, stretching languidly as he laid in bed, listening to Padme get ready for her day.  She had ridden him hard the night before, and had suggested all sorts of new things. She even dug up a datapad with a copy of the Kama Sutra on it, and they had tried out some of suggested positions.  

It was an excellent night.

When he asked her where this new interest in experimentation had come from, she admitted she was turned on by the idea of him and Obi Wan together.

“You’re both quite attractive,” she had murmured, eyes glazed, when he asked her about this.  But before he could start to worry that some of this interest was personally directed at Obi Wan, and her with Obi Wan, she slipped her hand down to caress his balls and he forgot about everything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Padme!


	9. Chapter 9

He knew it was too good to last.  After five beautiful days of lounging and eating and napping and canoodling, it all came to a bitter end in the form of his old master.

When the doorbell rang, he tripped lightly over and threw it open without even looking.  Padme had probably forgotten something, and he was prepared to sweep her into his arms and see if he could get a hand up her dress.  When would he learn! For there stood Obi Wan Kenobi, looking frosty yet hot. Was that possible? Frosty hotness? Because his manner was definitely cool, but he was super hot.  Anakin felt a blush climbing up his face and he fanned himself without thinking. 

Obi Wan smiled then, a predatory smile that made Anakin’s cock twitch.  How could he possibly still be so ready to go after all the sex he’d been having with Padme?  He supposed he was just a hopeless wanton.

Anakin cleared his throat.  “Er, hello Master. Obi Wan. Master Obi Wan.  Kenobi. Would you like to come in?” 

He gave himself a mental slap.  Master Obi Wan? Get it together Skywalker!

“Thank you, Anakin,” he said, coming through the door and standing just a bit too close for comfort. “Have you enjoyed your holiday?”

Anakin cleared his throat.  “Yes. Thank you. Master. Obi Wan.”

“Are you fully rested and ready to return to the Outer Rim?”

This sounded like a rhetorical question. Still, he had intended to say no--he was fully committed to hiding out forever and never facing up to his recent admission--but being so close to Obi Wan made his brain short circuit. “Yes.”  

He would follow Obi Wan anywhere, even if it meant endless lectures and esoteric punishments.

******

Obi Wan waited patiently while he took off his lounging robe and put his jedi robes back on. Then he walked silently beside him to the speeder he had come over in.  

Anakin felt himself begin to sweat.  A bead dripped uncomfortably down his hairline and into his shirt collar.  Why wasn’t Obi Wan saying anything? Where was the lecture? Where was the disappointment?  Where was the yelling? Maybe he should try to delay.

"I need to let Padme know I'm leaving!" 

"She already knows." His eyes focused on the speeder, Obi Wan didn't even look over at him. This was bad. 

Anakin tried going around to the driver side, but Obi Wan gave him a pointed look.  Anakin hunched his shoulders and slunk over to the passenger side.

Was Obi Wan just going to give him the silent treatment?  And not let him drive? This was unbearable!

“Stop it!  I can’t take it anymore!”

Obi Wan just shook his head.  “Anakin, what are you talking about?”

“Why won’t you talk to me?  Why won’t you say anything? I’m a horrible human being and now you hate me!”

Obi Wan closed his eyes for a moment and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Anakin, I don’t want to have this conversation where people can hear us. I was waiting until we were airborne.”

Oh.  His eyes slid left and right, and he noticed people staring.  Luckily none of them were nosy journalists. He hoped.

When they had merged into traffic, Obi Wan glanced over at him.

“Anakin, the last time I saw you you made a rather horrifying confession.”  

Anakin’s eyes dropped to the top of his boots.  

“I confess it took me some time to wrap my head around it.  I don’t know if this is something I am qualified to help you with, though of course I’m always available to talk.”

Anakin’s stomach sunk to his boots too.  This was it. This was the end.

“You need to get counseling from a mind healer.”

He nodded miserably.  Sure...he should have done that already. But that would have meant admitting what he had done. And losing Obi Wan.  Which is what it looked like was happening now.

He felt tears start to well up.  He wanted to shout and yell and protest, but there was really nothing to say.

Suddenly he felt Obi Wan’s hand caressing his cheek.  No, he couldn’t take his pity! He jerked away, just as he heard Obi Wan say,

“I’m not giving up on us Anakin.  I just need to know that you realize how serious this is, and that you’re willing to confront it and work through it.”

His mouth dropped open and he turned to stare at his mentor.  His friend. His beloved. 

“You...you...don’t hate me?”

Obi Wan sighed.  He reached over and patted Anakin on the knee, but kept his eyes on the traffic. Always such a cautious fellow.

“No Anakin,” he said.  “I could never hate you.”

Anakin reached over and hugged him around the middle, and Obi Wan squawked.  “Watch out! I’m driving!” But he was smiling just the same.

*****

They reached the jedi temple without incident, and Anakin was given just enough time to repack his go bag before hustling onto the Negotiator with Obi Wan.  

Anakin was marveling at his good fortune.  Not only was he able to avoid the council on this visit, Obi Wan didn’t hate him!  Were he and Obi Wan going to start those trust exercises again? His confession definitely meant several steps back, but...Obi Wan didn’t hate him.  So that was a giant step forward. 

And speaking of Obi Wan, he could tell he was nearby.  He peeked around a corridor and there he was. He wasn’t alone though. He was talking to a woman in brown robes.  Another jedi? Must be, she even looked familiar. Anakin was pondering how he knew her, and it hit him all at once. She was a healer.  A mind healer! Obi Wan didn’t just mean for him to go to one  _ eventually _ , he brought one on board! 

He turned at that point, intent on making his escape, but it was too late.

“Anakin!”  

He turned back around, slowly, and there was Obi Wan waving to him.  Oh brother. Anakin attempted to turn his seething into smiling, but was apparently unsuccessful based on the winces he got from Obi Wan and this mind healer.  Good. Served them right for mucking about in his business!  _ He _ will decide when and if to speak to a mind healer!

He marched over there intending to tell them so, loudly. He gave the mind healer the stink eye, but focused on Obi Wan. “Only you could be so bold!”

He didn’t get any farther though--Obi Wan’s steady gaze, and the hopefulness that Anakin felt through the bond--well, it disarmed him.  

The three of them stood there awkwardly for a beat, before Obi Wan finally spoke.

“Anakin, I’d like to introduce you to Healer Rumack. We are giving her a ride to the Kaliida Shoals Medical Center.”

Anakin shuffled his feet.  She wouldn’t be with them the whole time?  Was Obi Wan trying to get him to talk to her or not?  He was confused. Really confused. He looked down. Then he peeked at Obi Wan through his lashes.  Obi Wan was looking at him with concern. 

Obi Wan bowed to the healer, and grabbed Anakin by the elbow. “If you’ll pardon us, Healer Rumack, Knight Skywalker and I have some battle strategies to review. We’ll see you for the evening meal?” 

She nodded her assent, even as her eyes caught Obi Wan’s hand on Anakin. She looked faintly amused. “Yes, thank you.  I’ll see you later. Knight Skywalker. Master Kenobi.” And in one fluid motion she turned on her heel and retreated to her cabin.

Obi Wan pulled Anakin in the other direction, toward his cabin.  He yanked him inside. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Only I could be so bold? Really, Anakin, what were you doing during your holiday?  Catching up on the  _ Young and the Jedi _ ?  Or was it  _ Gone With the Clone Wars _ ?”

Anakin gasped.  “I don’t watch those!”  

Obi Wan cocked his head to the side.  “Really?”

“Well so do you!  I caught you more than once!”

“Only because you got me hooked on them!”

As they bickered they found themselves getting closer and closer, to the point where they’re chests were almost touching.  Obi Wan closed his eyes and backed up a step. He sighed.

“I’m sorry I surprised you with Healer Rumack’s presence.  She really did need a ride, but perhaps you’d consider speaking with her while she’s here.”

Anakin didn’t want to.  Not at all. Maybe if he agreed though, he could get a concession from Obi Wan.  What concession did he want? What indeed. What indeed...

He stared at him for so long that Obi Wan waved a hand in front of his face.  “Coruscant to Anakin! Are you still in there?”

Anakin batted his hand away.  “I’m thinking! Give me a minute.  I’m willing to consider it, but I want something in return.”

“I don’t know that you’re in a position to bargain for anything, my very young friend.”

“Do you want to hear my terms or not?”

Obi Wan stroked his beard.  “Okay. What are your terms?”

“I want you to say out loud how you feel about me.”

Both eyebrows went up.  “Don’t you know how I feel about you?”

“Nope.  And I want to hear it out loud.” He crossed his arms over his chest.  

Obi Wan’s discomfort rang loud in their bond.  Good, thought Anakin. Now he wasn’t the only one.  Offence was ALWAYS the best defense.

“When you are ready, and you tell me honestly how you feel, then I will ask Healer Rumack if I can speak with her.”

Obi Wan looked at him speculatively, then reached out his hands to take Anakin’s.  “Okay.” Anakin hadn’t expected that. Where was the hemming and hawing? Where was the delay?

“Anakin Skywalker, I love you.  I love you as a friend. But more than that, I’m in love with you.  I didn’t want to be...but here I am. And when this war is over, I would like to leave the Jedi Order with you, so that we can live our love honestly and openly.”  Obi Wan looked him directly in the eye as he was talking, smiling gently. And the Force rang with the truth of it all. 

“I love you too,” Anakin whispered, then pulled the other man to him fiercely and kissed him like the galaxy was going to end at any moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may recognize a quote from "A New Hope", originally spoken by Leia. I also lifted the "Young and the Jedi" from an interview with George L. about how Star Wars is really a soap opera. I'm such a nerd, lol.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some smut. Some fluff. Some Palpatine.

Obi Wan fully intended to extricate himself from the embrace. But instead, he didn’t. Instead, he found himself stripping off Anakin’s tunics and loosening his leggings and slipping a hand down into his underwear. He was always so weak when it came to Anakin. He wondered if the other man had any idea.

Anakin’s moans were all the encouragement he needed as kneeled before him, easing down his pants and taking his cock in his mouth. He licked the tip, the head, then took a few gentle sucks, fondling Anakin’s balls. 

He could feel Anakin trying to draw it out, to not orgasm, but he was so close already. Obi Wan wanted to see his face as he came, and was in no mood to prolong it. He opened their bond up further to express his desire, then he took his mouth away just long enough to say, “Come for me.” And Anakin did, hips bucking wildly as he let out a long, guttural moan. Obi Wan swallowed his come, licking his lips to make sure he got it all.

Obi Wan stood up and caught Anakin, guiding him gently to the bed and laying down with him. He held him tightly, surprised by the intensity of his own desire. As he kissed Anakin’s temple and reached up a hand to smooth back his curls, Anakin stirred in his arms.

“My turn,” he whispered, gazing intently into Obi Wan’s eyes. And he loosened Obi Wan’s leggings and freed his cock, and the mere fact that it was Anakin touching him made him lose all semblance of control. A few careful strokes and he was coming in Anakin’s hand and across his belly .

He laid there quietly, in a state of wonder, till he noticed Anakin shaking. Oh no. Was he regretting it?

“Anakin?” he asked tentatively. “Is everything alright?

It was then that he realized Anakin was laughing. No, not laughing, giggling, madly, like an initiate. That was so unlike him that Obi Wan feared his mind had snapped. He knew this gambit had been a risk--had he broken his Anakin?

“Like padawans!” he finally gasped.  “So quick!” And then he collapsed into helpless laughter.

Obi Wan found himself slowly smiling in response. It  _ had  _ been quick, for both of them. He was glad Anakin was enjoying it so much, even if it was rather embarrassing. The quickness wasn’t entirely surprising; this  _ thing  _ had been building between them for quite some time. So Obi Wan laid there, stroking Anakin’s back and thinking it had been far too long since he’d heard his friend laugh with such abandon. Even if it was tinged with a bit of hysteria. He lightly kissed his shoulder.

He had intended to get up and take a shower, but much to his surprise he fell asleep holding Anakin instead. 

*****

 

When he woke up he realized there wasn’t much time till they were supposed to meet Healer Rumack for dinner. He had just eased himself out of bed when he felt Anakin wake up too.

“Where are you going, Obi Wan?” He couldn’t entirely keep the anxiety out of his voice.

“Just a shower. Want to join me?”

Anakin’s eyes lit up. He nodded his head vehemently.  

They removed the bits of clothing that hadn’t come off in their initial encounter, and went to the fresher.  Anakin stood mutely in the doorway, watching him as he turned on the water and got it to a (very warm) temperature he knew Anakin would find acceptable.  Then he turned around and lightly grasped Anakin by the wrist to draw him into the shower. 

Obi Wan would be lying if he said he wasn’t envisioning a joint shower with Anakin as a sexual experience. He nudged Anakin up against the wall and kissed him, licking into his mouth and nibbling on his lower lip. And Anakin responded, fervently--however, Obi Wan sensed apprehension mingling with desire in their bond. So he drew back then and smiled at Anakin; and instead of nuzzling and nipping, he found himself lathering soap up in his hands to wash the other man’s body gently, as a symbol of all the care and love he felt and intended to share for the rest of their lives. And Anakin responded well to this, losing the overwhelmed air about him, and responding in kind. 

There would be time enough for sexual experiences.  Lots and lots of sexual experiences. Lots and lots...ahem. And they would be all the better for further establishing the groundwork of care and devotion.

*****

 

Sheev Palpatine, in the midst of his evening meditation, felt a great disturbance in the Force.  His eyes popped open. This was not at all to his liking.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Battle of Coruscant goes a little differently this time.

Sheev Palpatine was severely annoyed.  Something had changed between his future apprentice and that meddlesome Obi Wan Kenobi, and it wasn’t something in his favor.  The question was, what to do about it? 

He could leave clues for Padmé to find out, so she could put a stop to it, and further the distrust between her and Skywalker at the same time. That was certainly a nice option. He would definitely do that.

He could probably also arrange for Kenobi and Skywalker to be sent on different missions.  His preference would be to just kill Kenobi, but that was easier said than done. He’d been working on that for years, unsuccessfully. 

What he really needed to do was get Skywalker back here so he could continue to tear down his trust in Kenobi and the Jedi, and finalize his seduction to the dark side. Yes, perhaps it was time to set his plan in motion that would bring them back to Coruscant and begin Anakin’s final descent. It was earlier than he had intended, but needs must.

*****

Life with Obi Wan since they consummated their love was incredible. He was so caring, so patient, so romantic. He even quoted poetry when they were being intimate. 

_ ‘‘Was this the face that launched a thousand ships…” _

Sigh.

For once Anakin found he hadn’t minded being relegated to the outer rim, for it meant he could have Obi Wan all to himself. Well, himself and the clones. Okay, himself and the clones and the separatists. But still, mostly himself.

It was going on a month when they were recalled to mount a rescue mission. The chancellor had been captured!  Anakin was in a perfect fever of apprehension. He would make Dooku pay for this! Not only was his friend the chancellor in danger, but what if his beloved was injured on this dangerous mission? It just didn’t bear thinking about.  

When he expressed these fears to Obi Wan, Obi Wan had cupped his face in his hands and looked deep into his eyes. “We’ll face this challenge together, as we have faced all others.”

Swoon.

And before he knew it they were in their jedi starfighters, approaching Grievous’s flagship, fighting off vulture droids and buzz droids until they were finally able to break through the line and get into the ship.

“I sense Count Dooku,” said Anakin.

“I sense a trap,” said Obi Wan.

They fought their way forward till at last they approached the general’s quarters.  

They entered the room cautiously, and were somewhat taken aback when they found the chancellor, completely unharmed, swiveling around on what looked like a throne, a smirk on his face.  Anakin thought maybe he’d imagined the smirk, since it quickly disappeared when the chancellor saw them. Now he just looked frightened.

“Be careful!  Dooku is a sith lord!  You’re no match for him!”

Obi Wan was giving the chancellor a hard stare when Dooku swooped down on them from above.

_ <<Together, Anakin!>> _

They were approaching Dooku in unison when he held out a hand imperiously.  “Your swords, please, Master Jedi. We don't want to make a mess of things in front of the Chancellor.”

“It is  _ you _ who will be giving your sword to  _ us _ , Dooku,” Obi Wan informed him.  

Dooku, unimpressed, attacked. Through their newly reinforced bond their defense was as coordinated as a dance, and Dooku soon began to lose his condescending air.

He was trying to focus his energy on Obi Wan, but Anakin wasn’t having it. He kept in Dooku’s face, distracting him and wearing him down. He could feel frustration building within the room, but wasn’t sure of the source. Suddenly, Obi Wan went flying through the air and hit the wall.  It was almost as though he were pulled rather than pushed, but Anakin didn’t have time to think more about that as a white hot rage pressed through his veins. He attacked Dooku viciously, his power growing by the second, until he was able to cut the man’s hands off. Dooku went down on his knees, looking astonished by this turn of events.

“Kill him, Anakin!  Kill him!” Anakin turned around in surprise to look at the chancellor.  Kill? The chancellor was slack-lipped, with a look of such raw greed on his face that it quite took Anakin’s breath away.  He’d seen that look before. On Obi Wan’s face. As he was prowling toward him...oh...oh no. Did the chancellor--did the chancellor  _ want _ him?  For purposes of lust? That was...er...haha, that couldn’t be right. He looked down in confusion and saw Dooku’s saber, which he held in his hand.  Dooku. He could focus on Dooku.   

“Um, I accept your surrender,” he gushed, though Dooku had said nothing about surrender.  In fact, he seemed unable to say anything at all, eyes round with horror. “Yes. That. We, er, should get off the ship.  Now. Okay.” Then he ran over to where Obi Wan lay unconscious. He needed Obi Wan. Obi Wan would know what to do. 

“Get up.  Please get up.  Please please please please please!”  He cradled Obi Wan in his arms, raining kisses down on his face and completely missing the chancellor’s look of pure hatred that was flowing impartially between Dooku and himself.

Anakin was just preparing to lift Obi Wan over his shoulder when finally he stirred.

“Get up Obi Wan!  We defeated Dooku, he’s our prisoner!  We have to go!”

Obi Wan blinked.  He looked at Dooku.  Dooku had no hands. He looked at Anakin. Anakin’s eyes were rolling and his hair was standing up in tufts.  “Good job, Anakin,” he said faintly, pulling himself up.  

Anakin stared at him, fiercely grateful for his handsomeness, willing away the memory of Palpatine’s lecherous face; and they gave each other smoldering looks that promised many things.  Dooku and Palpatine both closed their eyes and shuddered.

They were making their way stealthily toward the escape pods when Grievous popped out in front of them.  

“Oh for kark’s sake!  Seriously?! I just want to get out of here!” yelled Anakin. It was all Too Much.  He began whaling away on Grievous, quickly joined by Obi Wan. R2D2, racing up the corridor from the opposite direction, shocked him from behind. Grievous, realizing he was outmanned, roared and backed away, kicking out at R2 as he went and getting zapped for his troubles.

“Get them!” Grievous yelled at his magna droids, which started firing at the group.

Dooku finally found his voice.  “Grievous, you coward! Get back here!  Free me!” Grievous just coughed at him.

Obi Wan and Anakin did what they could to deflect the bolts, but one hit Palpatine in the right arm, blowing away his hand.  He stared at the gaping wound, shocked, before sinking to the floor. Dooku, already down on the ground, scooted away from him.  

“That’s enough!” Anakin yelled, and Force pushed the droids down the hallway, till they landed in a crumpled heap.  Obi Wan dropped to his knees and used the Force to staunch the flow of blood.  

“Look away, Chancellor,” he said, as he used his lightsaber to cauterize the wound.  Palpatine screamed and fainted. “This makes things both harder and easier,” he said, hoisting the chancellor by the collar and dragging him along. Anakin was about to do the same to Dooku, but the count stumbled to his feet, not interested in being dragged.  They hurried to the escape pods, buckled everyone in, and R2D2 launched them into space. As they floated away from the ship, they saw it starting to break apart under the assault from the clone fighters.

“Uh oh,” Anakin said suddenly.  “Gun it R2!” R2 revved up the engines, such as they were, and was just able to put enough space between them and Grievous’s flagship before it blew up.  They rode the shockwaves down into the planet’s atmosphere, and R2 guided them right to the Jedi Temple.


	12. Chapter 12

When Palpatine woke up, he wasn’t sure where he was at first. Then he felt the light side of the Force, and realized he must be in the Jedi Temple.  In their halls of healing. He sneered.

It was all coming back to him.  Dooku failed him by not killing Kenobi.  Skywalker failed him by not killing Dooku.  And then he lost his hand when that fool Grievous set his magna droids against them.

He heard someone coming and closed his eyes.  

“Over the war almost is,” said Yoda from behind the privacy curtain.  “Found Grievous’ head and an arm floating in the debris field our search teams did.  And our prisoner Dooku is.”

Grievous was dead!  That was NOT good news. He wasn’t done with that guy yet.  

“Do you need me to stay with you and Dooku?” Windu asked.  

“No, no.  My former padawan I can guard.  Many things you must attend to. Keep you here I will not,” Yoda said.  

“And how is Chancellor Palpatine?” Windu asked.

“Okay he will be.  Wake soon I think he will,” Yoda said.  Palpatine used the Force to lower his heart rate and breathing.  He wasn’t ready to announce himself just yet.

“I’ll ask Healer Che contact me when he wakes up.  I’d like to hear about his experience,” Windu said.

Palpatine listened to Windu’s footsteps receding in the distance.  Then there was silence.

So, Dooku was still alive.  Well that wouldn’t do, since he was now aware that Palpatine had wanted Anakin to kill him.  What if he decided to throw himself on the mercy of the Jedi?  

He unhooked himself from the monitors and crept over to where he sensed Dooku’s presence. He heard the sheets rustling, then he heard Dooku move.

“Master?”

“Yes, my former padawan?”

Uh oh.  They were sounding sentimental.  Time to nip this reunion in the bud.  He reached out his right hand--and then realized he didn’t have one any more.  He bit back a growl, then reached out with his left.  

“I have to tell you something,” Dooku was saying. He swallowed.  He swallowed again. “Sith ...Sith Lord...Sith Lord choke ...Sith Lord choke me…” he wheezed. And then he was gone. 

Palpatine crept back to his bed and feigned unconsciousness. He used the Force to adjust the monitors. Heh heh heh, he gloated to himself. The Jedi were so dim witted.

And he pretended to sleep through the ensuing hullabaloo.

*****

The council was in session, and Skywalker and Kenobi were giving their report and discussing what would come next in the war, when they got the emergency call from the healers ward that Dooku had been mysteriously choked to death. Mace led the search in the temple for intruders, but they found no one. He found himself watching the chancellor speculatively. 

Could he...Nah.  But what if...

*****

When Palpatine “woke up” he registered proper shock and horror, and he was solicitously cared for. He was then escorted to a med center where he could be fitted for a prosthetic. Finally, he returned to his apartment.  

Okay, so he’d had a setback. A couple of setbacks. He’d lost Dooku and Grievous, so the war was going to grind to a halt. And maybe his efforts to turn Anakin hadn’t quite worked out. And he was really going to miss his hand.  But he could definitely still recover his mojo. Anakin could still be seduced to the dark side. Then there was his ace in the hole, Order 66. 

First thing was to have another crack at Anakin.

*****

Anakin was as patient as he could be through all the reports and discussions and manhunts. Finally, they were dismissed. He could feel the siren call of Padmé. He must go to her.

They were approaching Obi Wan’s apartment when he turned to Anakin. 

“It’s okay Anakin, you can leave. I have a nice book I wanted to finish, and...” 

“Not without you. You must come.” Was it his imagination, or did Obi Wan look a little disappointed to be included?  Nah, he must have imagined it.  Obi Wan tried to demur, but Anakin was insistent, and finally he relented. 

“At least let her know I will be there too,” he said, so Anakin sent her a message. When they arrived she was waiting for them on the balcony, clad only in a transparent, gem-encrusted negligee, her hair cascading down her back. She enfolded Anakin in a tight embrace and kissed him thoroughly. 

“I was so worried about you,” she murmured. Then she turned to Obi Wan. They looked at each other for a beat. “I was worried about you too,” she said, and kissed him as well. He froze in surprise for a moment, then looked at Anakin. Anakin was staring at them with lust-filled eyes and parted lips. So he turned back to Padme and returned the kiss with ardor. When they separated they both turned to Anakin. 

She held out her hands to them. “Come, “ she said huskily, and led them to her bedroom.

*****

Padme woke up the following morning in a tangled heap of limbs.  She carefully extricated herself and rushed to the fresher just in time to throw up.  That was the third day in a row. She wondered if it was just a virus, or if she should get herself checked at a med center.  She was brushing her teeth when she saw Obi Wan standing in the mirror behind her. He was looking at her, head cocked to the side.

“Are you…?” he asked.

“Don’t know,” she said.

“Don’t know what?” asked Anakin, peering at them sleepily from under a pillow.

“Don’t know if I’m pregnant,” she said.

“Pregnant?” Anakin gasped.  “Already?!”  

She just looked at him.  For such a smart person he could be kind of dumb sometimes.  “From the last time you were here on Coruscant, Ani,” she said.

“Oh,” he said, blush rising.  “Oh!” He jumped out of bed, hugging Padme and Obi Wan and jumping up and down with them.  “We’re going to have a family! We’re going to have a family!” Padme wasn’t so sure all that jumping agreed with her stomach, but his enthusiasm was infectious.  Even Obi Wan was smiling.

When Anakin dragged them both back to bed, there were no protests.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things aren't going well for Palpatine, but life is definitely looking up for the Skywalker-Amidala-Kenobis.


	13. Chapter 13

The more Mace Windu thought about Chancellor Palpatine as the mysterious sith lord, the more certain he was.  The smirking, the plans that went wrong as soon as he was informed of them, the usurpation of power, the way the Jedi were being made out to be the bad guys, the smirking…

Mace realized he was grinding his teeth.  He forced himself to relax.  

If he thought it all through, it could only mean one thing.  The Clone Wars were an elaborate hoax. He had to think of a way to pull the mask off this villain and expose him to the galaxy.  While the thought of stabbing the traitor in the face with his lightsaber was extremely tempting, he knew that would just earn himself a one-way ticket to the slammer. So then he dreamed of creating traps to force Palpatine to reveal himself and his treachery, each more complicated than the last. 

Like the idea of finding another Zillo beast to attack him in his office again. What were the chances there was another one on Malastare?  And even more critically, why hadn’t they left the original beast to its noble work?

Oh, how about disguising himself as the ghost of Dooku to scare Palpatine, forcing him to flee into the senate building where he would trip over a clone and be hoisted into a senate pod with the camera on, while he gibbered in fear and Confessed All?  He practically salivated at the idea, though he realized regretfully that Palpatine would never fall for any man-made phantoms. 

He sighed.  While these daydreams were highly satisfying, it was time to talk to Yoda and come up with something more practical.

*****

When Obi Wan woke up again, it was much later in the day if the angle of the sun across the bed was any guide. He lay there quietly, basking in the proximity of his bedmates, and started thinking about his position in the Jedi Order, and how he should probably let Yoda and Mace know that he and Anakin would be leaving.

And speaking of Anakin...Obi Wan glanced over when he heard Anakin thrashing around.  He looked like he was in the throes of a nightmare. Obi Wan put a hand on the other man’s shoulder to calm him, but he bolted awake.

“Oh Obi Wan!” he threw himself into Obi Wan’s arms, which shifted Padme and woke her up too.  “Padme!” he cried, gathering her up as well.  

The embrace twisted her neck at an awkward angle, so she put her hands on Anakin’s chest and shoved.  “Anakin! You’re choking me!”

After apologies and soothing words were exchanged all around, they asked him what had caused his alarm.

“I dreamed that you were dying Padme, in childbirth, and I couldn’t save you!”

Padme and Obi Wan looked at one another.  His dreams about his mother hadn’t been wrong.  But childbirth?

“Anakin, I’m not even sure I’m pregnant yet,” she said.  

“But I know how we can find out, and make sure you’re healthy,” said Obi Wan.  He looked over to Anakin. “And it’s about time we came clean with the council, or at least with Yoda and Mace.  Let’s get dressed and go to the temple. The healers can examine Padme, and we can start the discussion about our futures.”

*****

Just as Mace was about to sit down with Yoda in his meditation room, they got a call from Obi Wan asking them to come to the halls of healing.  When they arrived and found Obi Wan, Anakin, and Senator Amidala talking to Master Vokara Che, he felt his Jedi senses tingling, and he wondered what was going on.  He had the distinct impression he wasn’t going to like the answer.

“You’re pregnant, Senator, but only about five or six weeks.  And it appears to be twins,” said Master Che. Then she turned toward Anakin and Obi Wan. “Which one of you is the father?”  They gaped at her, and she continued in her no-nonsense way. “The Force is already strong with them, and they’re still little more than a collection of cells.”

“I am,” said Anakin, gulping.  He turned to Mace and Yoda, who were standing a few feet back.  Yoda looked pleased. Mace knew he did not look pleased, though he was attempting to keep a neutral expression.  His eye started to twitch. “Umm, that’s why we wanted you two here. We, er, there’s something, umm…” he looked helplessly at Obi Wan, who shook his head.

“What Anakin is trying to say is that he, Senator Amidala, and I are in a relationship, and we plan to leave the Order after the War is over.”  Yoda nodded thoughtfully. Mace put his finger on his eye to stop the twitching.

“Say nothing about this to anyone else yet, we will,” said Yoda, with relish.  “A vow of silence we will take. Outside of this room to speak of this no one will.”  

Mace closed his eyes.  A new and horrible idea had come to him.  As he thought about Skywalker, he remembered how interested Palpatine had been in him for all those years.  Was he trying to seduce Anakin to the dark side? Mace clenched his fists. Not if he had anything to say about it.  He opened his eyes. And not if Kenobi and Amidala had anything to say about it either. They were looking at Anakin with such fatuous adoration that it was a little sickening.  Mace repressed a shudder of disgust. It looked like he had already been seduced, and not in a way that benefited Sidious.

He felt a slow smile spread across his face as he allowed himself to imagine new methods of tricking and trapping Palpatine, with Anakin as bait.  

*****

When they were back in Padme’s apartment, and eating a meal prepared by C3P0, Anakin broached a subject that had been troubling him.

“Should we tell Chancellor Palpatine about our plans?” he asked.  

“No, no!” exclaimed Padme and Obi Wan in unison.  They looked at each other, brows furrowed.  

Anakin was surprised.  Or was he? He wasn’t sure why, but he was also hesitant to take the chancellor into his confidence, as he had done so many times before.  Or maybe he  _ was _ sure why.  He was determined to forget the look the chancellor had given him on board the Invisible Hand, but somehow he couldn’t forget the look the chancellor had given him on board the Invisible Hand.  It haunted him.

But why didn’t Padme and Obi Wan trust him?

“Well?” he asked.

“Just a feeling,” said Obi Wan, stroking his beard, eyes carefully on the ceiling. 

Padme gave him a disappointed look, then turned to Anakin.  “He’s accumulating too much power, and he won’t give it back. The Republic is supposed to be a democracy.”

Anakin decided not to share his reasons.  Especially if he had just imagined them.

“Okay, we won’t tell him,” he said.  

Just then, his com link buzzed. He looked sheepish, and tried to ignore it but the caller was insistent.  Anakin glanced at it. “It’s the chancellor!” he exclaimed. “Should I answer?”

The com went silent for a minute, then started buzzing again.

“Find out what he wants,” Obi Wan finally said.

Anakin answered it.

“Hello?  Yes, I’m fine, thank you.  Tonight? Oh, well, I don’t know…”  he looked uncomfortable. “Can I call you back and let you know? Okay, thank you Sir.” He hung up.

Padme and Obi Wan stared at him. The seconds ticked by.

Anakin stuck his finger into his collar and tugged.  “He wants me to attend Squid Lake with him tonight, for opening night.  He wants to thank me for rescuing him.” Then he scowled and crossed his arms over his chest.  “What is up with you guys?! Why is everyone looking at me like that?”

Padme was the first to speak.  “Why didn’t he invite Obi Wan too?”

“Oh.  Errr…” He looked even more uncomfortable.  He decided not to say anything. There was no way the chancellor was interested in him that way.  Was there? It didn’t matter anyway, he wasn’t going anywhere near Palpatine right now. Just in case.

“Well, it doesn’t matter.  I won’t be going.”

But Padme had other ideas.  “Why don’t you go Anakin, and see what he wants?  Maybe you could ask him about his plans after the war, now that it is sure to end soon?”

She was smiling, but her eyes were full of steely determination.  Anakin wanted to protest, but he knew it was a lost cause. It looked like he’d be attending Squid Lake that evening whether he liked it or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My timeline is months early now, but we're still having the opening night of Squid Lake because Anakin and Palpatine need a date night.
> 
> Also, Mace's daydreams about fantastical traps are based on Scooby Doo, because I love Scooby Doo.
> 
> We'll have more Palpatine POV in the next chapter.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mace and Yoda seek answers in the Force to stopping Palpatine, and Anakin goes on a date with Palpatine and is faced with the seductive powers of the dark side.

Mace was finally able to corner Yoda, and asked if they could meet in his private meditation room. He got right to the point.

“Palpatine is the sith lord,” he announced, more loudly than he had intended.  He cleared his throat.

Yoda’s eyes widened and his shoulders sagged.  “A very dangerous idea, this is. Certain, are you?”

“I have no proof, if that’s what you mean,” Mace said bitterly.  “But it all adds up. I figured it out after he killed Dooku in the temple.  He must have been desperate to silence him.”

“Hmm,” said Yoda, stroking his chin.  “Hmmm.” He stroked his chin some more.  That motion had always seemed to calm Obi Wan, and Yoda appeared to like it too. Perhaps a little too much.  “Yes, a lot of sense this makes.” More chin stroking. Mace had to look away before he smacked Yoda’s hand. His eye started twitching again. 

“Stop him we must, but careful we must be,” Yoda finally said.  “Too clever he is to be removed from power easily. A card up our sleeve, we need.”

They both stared into space for a moment, thinking about different options.  Mace’s options rested heavily on leveraging Anakin Skywalker, but that seemed wrong when the man was soon to be a father and was about to leave the Jedi order. He wondered what was percolating through Yoda’s little green head.  Finally, Mace spoke up. “Let’s meditate. The Force will provide.”

******

Padme wasn’t sure why Anakin seemed so reluctant to meet Chancellor Palpatine at the opera, since he’d always been so keen on him before.  When she tried to question him about it he was evasive though, so she gave up on that, and focused on getting him ready. This was too good an opportunity to pass up.

She sent him to the shower to get clean, then she combed his hair out and put product in it and let it dry naturally in those loose waves she loved so much.  Delicious. She brought out a nice set of Jedi robes that he’d left in her apartment. 

Obi Wan stood to the side, watching the proceedings with interest.  He looked a little worried, but he ignored the beseeching looks Anakin was giving him.  He apparently had no intention of interfering, which pleased her.  

During this whole procedure she told him what a great and loyal member of the Republic he was, especially if he could just ask one or two questions…

“Why don’t  _ you _ ask him one or two questions?!” he demanded, arms crossed over his chest.

“He’s been avoiding meeting with me and others from the Loyalist Committee lately.”

“Fine,” Anakin said sulkily.  “What are the questions?”

“The chancellor has acquired so many emergency powers over the course of the war, but now that Dooku and Grievous are dead, the war must be almost over.”  She cocked her head to the side and looked at him for a minute, wondering how best to simplify what she wanted to know so he could get as clear an answer back as possible.

“I want to know if he has begun negotiations for ending the conflict, and what his timeline is for signing peace treaties. I also want to know what his plans are for handing power back to the senate. He said all along he was only accepting the extra powers because of the war.”

She had him repeat the questions back to her a couple of times to make sure he remembered them, then she stood on tiptoe and gave him a hearty smack on the lips.  

“Have fun with the chancellor, Anakin!  Stay out as late as you need!”

He turned to Obi Wan then, his last and only hope, and found a bit of comfort as Obi Wan smiled sweetly and hugged him. But then he ruined it by opening his mouth. “Enjoy the opera.  Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” he said, smirking.

Anakin pulled back angrily. Scowling impartially at them both, he turned on his heel so his cape swished nicely, and stalked out of the door without so much as a backward glance.

*****

Palpatine waltzed around his apartment as he got ready, humming a nice march to himself as he considered how well his plans were going for getting things back on track.  He had called the remaining separatist leaders in the guise of his Darth Sidious persona, and threatened them with all manner of bodily harm when they suggested surrender. They quickly backtracked from that objectionable notion.  Then Anakin had agreed to go to the opera with him that night, despite some initial hesitation. He had no doubt he could woo Anakin back to his side. He’d put so much effort into the boy already, there was no way he would let it all go to waste.

_ Dum dum dum, dum-dum-dum, dum-dum-dum  _ he hummed.  He’d even had one of his aides stock up on those ridiculous gummy candies that Anakin was so fond of.  There was a good selection; some enterprising candymaker had produced a collection of gummy monsters, including a rancor, a sarlac, and the piece de resistance, a Gummy de Zillo.  

That stupid zillo beast had almost ruined all his plans when it had gone after him, but he was paying it back by conducting experiments on its clone.  So much cruelty to enjoy, so little time!

*****

When Anakin arrived at the opera house, the program had already begun.  He made his way to the chancellor’s box determined to enjoy himself, since those two traitors at home had turned on him and sent him away without even  _ trying _ to find out why he didn’t want to go!  If they really loved him they would have made an effort, but noooo!  They obviously didn’t love him! They obviously just wanted to be alone with each other!  And to think that he had introduced the two of them to each other!

He flounced into the box, snarling and snapping, and he missed the way Palpatine’s eyes lit up.  

“My boy!  I’m so glad you could make it!” the chancellor said smoothly.  He dismissed the others in his box so they would be alone. “I have something for you,” he said, handing him the gummies.  

Anakin’s eyes widened in delight, then narrowed in suspicion.  Obi Wan had given him candy too, when he was wooing him. He watched the chancellor for a moment, but seeing nothing untoward on his face, he turned his attention to the candy.  He did love gummies. Gummy monsters! That was new. He opened it up and pulled out an acklay, and felt a tug in his heart as he remembered Obi Wan fighting the acklay on Geonosis.  He sighed, then popped it in his mouth. Next he pulled out the nexu, Padme’s arch nemesis. He couldn’t stay mad at them forever, he thought to himself as he chewed off its head. He was still eating as he pulled out the zillo beast.  Boy was that an adventure! He set that one aside to eat later. 

That was so thoughtful of the chancellor, he decided, as he looked at the man.  Perhaps he’d done him a disservice, and had only imagined the lustful looks. Palpatine was not looking at him now, at any rate; he was watching the show.  

For a moment his sight clouded, replaced by a vision from the Force.  Of handing himself over to Palpatine, and being given immense power in return.  Of having his very own castle on a warm planet, where he would never be cold again.  He shook his head and the images disappeared.  

Was that a possible future? He couldn’t deny that it was tempting, but not nearly as tempting as life with Padme and Obi Wan--and they had not been present in that vision.  He shivered in anticipation. He would never do anything to jeopardize their love. Even if they  _ were _ mean. He turned to Palpatine resolutely, determined to ask Padme’s questions.

“Chancellor, now that both Dooku and Grievous are dead, have you reached out to the separatists to begin peace negotiations?

Palpatine’s turned to look at him sharply, before a beneficent smile spread across his face.  “Nothing has emerged as of yet, no. But I am surprised to hear you ask a political question, my boy, I thought you were above such petty concerns.  Could it have anything to do with the influence of a certain senator?”  

Anakin didn’t miss the sly gleam in Palpatine’s eye, and he squirmed a bit at the innuendo.  He wasn’t above the pettiness of politics so much as disinterested in it. Except for when it would be nice to have the power to make people do what you wanted. Oh, and except when it came to Padme. And Padme had asked him to talk to the chancellor, so talk he would. “Anyone would be interested in seeing the war end, sir.  Hopefully negotiations for peace can begin soon. And allow you to return all those emergency powers that you said you didn’t want.”

Was it his imagination or was Palpatine’s smile turning into a snarl? My grandma, what large teeth you have…  

In a moment of discomfort he looked away from Palpatine and focused on the stage.  It looked like the heroine was dying up there. He wished that he knew the story--operas were so beautiful and dramatic--but he realized that he hadn’t gotten any answers yet.  So he sighed and turned back toward Palpatine, ready to try again, but Palpatine began talking first.

“Such a beautiful story, don’t you think, Anakin?”  It was amazing how the chancellor almost seemed to read his mind sometimes.  “The princess is turned into a squid by an evil sorcerer, but the prince falls in love with her anyway.  True love would break the spell, but the young man is fooled into betraying her, and so the princess dies, broken hearted.”

“Oh,” said Anakin, staring at the stage wistfully.  “That’s really sad.” He was about to ask how the young man was tricked, but Palpatine was still talking.

“Can you imagine being able to save those we love from death?” he asked.  Boy could he! Anakin’s mouth watered as he pictured a world where he could pluck people from the cold clutches of the grim reaper.

“Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis ‘the wise’?” Palpatine continued.

Torn from his reverie, in which he was holding a grateful Obi Wan who he’d just saved for the 10th time, Anakin blinked at him.  “Uh, no? Is it another opera?”

“No,” Palpatine said. “And it’s not a story the Jedi would tell you. It's a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midi-chlorians to create life ... He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. 

“He could actually save people from death?” Was this real? It sounded like the answer to all of Anakin’s prayers! Wait...did he say the dark side?

“Did you say dark side?”

“The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural,” Palpatine said.

Anakin was fascinated. “Is this a true story? When was this? Who did he save? How did he do it? What happened to him?” 

A momentary look of irritation flitted across Palpatine’s face, but was hastily smoothed over. “He became so powerful . . . the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did.” 

Anakin leaned in closer, eyes wide, lips parted. 

“Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep,” said Palpatine with a nostalgic smile.  “Plagueis never saw it coming. It's ironic he could save others from death, but not himself.” 

Anakin was staring at the chancellor, breathing quickly. He wasn’t sure whether he was more excited or scared. Something felt wrong...but he couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was.  He realized he was practically leaning on the chancellor’s lap, his story far too seductive for comfort.

He sat back quickly and wiped his palms on his thighs. He had a sudden, overwhelming urge to get away.  “Wow, look at the time, Chancellor! I, um, need to go. Thank you so much for inviting me! I’ll talk to you later!”  And he leapt up from his seat, turning to grab his cloak as he did so. But as he was bending over to pick it up, he felt something caressing his butt.  He froze in shock and horror, not sure what was happening. When he slowly pivoted back to the chancellor and saw that it was indeed his hand that touched him, and that it was, in fact, still there...he gasped and fled into the night.

*****

Palpatine held the Gummy de Zillo out, the smile frozen on his face.  It had been stuck to Anakin’s pants, and he’d intended to hand it to him, but instead the foolish boy had run away.  That was weird. He thought Anakin had liked the gummi candies. As he looked blankly at the beast it occurred to him that Anakin might have thought he was touching his posterior. On purpose.

He growled low in the back of his throat.  And everything had been going so well too! He’d nicely laid out the groundwork for Anakin to consider the pain of a lover’s death, and the means to prevent it, enthralling him with his dark tale--and, and that idiot assumed he was hitting on him!  

He gathered his own belongings and swept out too.  He needed to consider how best to fix this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gummy de Zillo is from The Simpson's Gummy de Milo. I can't remember the name of the episode, but it's a thing of beauty. Actually, Palpatine's lustful face a couple of chapters ago was based on Homer's face in this episode.
> 
> Squid Lake synopsis is really Swan Lake. The hero was TRICKED, Anakin. TRICKED.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of date night.

Obi Wan could feel Anakin’s distress as he got closer to the apartment. He set aside the datapad he'd been reading and went to the door.  A few seconds later Anakin came barreling through, throwing himself into Obi Wan’s arms. 

“Bad...bad…” he gasped, his voice hitching, tears wetting Obi Wan’s shoulder, “the chancellor…”

“Slow down, Anakin.  Take a deep breath,” Obi Wan said, concerned.  What in the galaxy had the chancellor done?

Anakin gulped a few times, face still buried in Obi Wan’s shoulder.  Padme, who had been working in her home office, came out and stood nearby. 

“Bad...The chancellor is a Bad Man.  He--he touched me!”

“He touched you?  What do you mean he touched you?”  Obi Wan was confused, but was also getting mad.  No one touched Anakin except him and Padme.  

Padme gestured toward the couch and Obi Wan nodded.  He gently started walking them toward the couch, and when they sat down, Padme sat on the other side, rubbing Anakin’s back.  He hiccuped again, but his breathing calmed. 

“Okay, slow down, Anakin.  Start at the beginning. Tell us everything,” he said.

Anakin dried his eyes, but kept his face in the crook of Obi Wan’s neck, arms tight around him.  “Well,” he said, voice muffled. “It started out okay I guess. He gave me monster gummies.”  

“Monster gummies? Oh, you mean candy?  Gave you candy, did he? The filthy bawheed…” Obi Wan muttered, stroking Anakin’s hair.  “Sorry, go on.”

“And I asked him about negotiating with the separatists and ending the war, but he started talking about the opera instead, and then he told me about Darth Plagueis.”

“Darth Plagueis?” Padme mouthed silently to Obi Wan, who shrugged.  

“Who’s Darth Plagueis, Anakin?” he asked.

“Oh, you’ve never heard of him either?  I thought it was just me, skipping a lecture or something.  He was a Sith who figured out how to stop death. I would love to be able to stop death, it was a really interesting story.  But I’m not sure how Palpatine knew about this Sith when we’ve never heard of him, Obi Wan.”

Obi Wan and Padme stared at each other in growing horror.

“What happened after that, Anakin?” Padme asked, voice gentle.

Anakin shuddered.  “Then I decided it was past time to leave, and I got up, and bent over to pick up my robe, when...when…he grabbed my butt!” he finished with a howl.

Of all the things Obi Wan had suspected Palpatine of, being a sexual assaulter wasn’t one of them.  But Anakin could hardly be mistaken about something like that. More worrisome was the story about Darth Plagueis.  He was starting to suspect Palpatine might be their mysterious Sith lord; and if Padme’s horrified face was anything to go by, she shared his suspicions.  And if he was trying to seduce Anakin with candy and butt grabs and stories of cheating death, well...it looked like he wanted Anakin to join him.  

He found he was grinding his teeth, and forced himself to relax his jaw.

“Don’t worry Anakin, you’re safe now,” he said grittily.  “I think I might need to go talk to Yoda and Mace.”

When Anakin only clung tighter, he abandoned this plan.  “Tomorrow then. And you and Padme should come too.”

*****

Mace and Yoda meditated throughout the evening and into the early morning, searching for answers.  When they were done, Mace thought maybe they should have stopped for dinner, because by the time they were finished he had some song lyrics stuck in his head, and not much else.

_ Many miles away something crawls to the surface _

_ Of a dark Scottish loch. _

What the dickens was a Scottish Loch? And what was crawling to the surface?  And why was the Force giving him earworms? How was that supposed to be helpful?  His eye started twitching again, and he laid a finger on it. 

“Key to our future is Anakin Skywalker,” said Yoda.  

“We can’t pit him against Palpatine, he’s about to be a father!”

“Clear on this the Force is!” Yoda insisted.

Mace sighed.  “If you say so,” he said wearily.  “The Force is moving in ways far too mysterious for me right now.”

Yoda nodded sagely.  The Force  _ was _ often mysterious.  “Visit us today, they will,” he said.  “Leave the Order Skywalker and Kenobi should not.”

“But you heard them, they’re all marrying each other and having children.  That is not the Jedi path. At least not the last time I checked.”

“Sarcasm becomes you does not,” Yoda said reprovingly. “Remain with the Jedi they should, with Senator Amidala, and their children too.  Upon us is the time for change.”  

Mace just stared at him, blinking. Change?  That wasn’t change, that was a revolution. Then he threw up his hands, literally and figuratively, and headed for the cafeteria.  He needed some caf, stat, before he could continue  _ this _ conversation.

_ Many miles away… _

Stupid earworm. Stupid Force.  Stupid Palpatine. 

*****

Mace had had his caf, and a quick nap, and he felt much better. Physically, anyway.  When the call came in that the Kenobi-Skywalker-Amidalas were coming over for a meeting he nodded.  Of course they were.  

Perhaps it was all as Yoda had predicted.  Perhaps Anakin would still deliver them from the dark side. Perhaps they did all belong in the Temple as a family unit, changing the Jedi forever.  Mace felt resigned to whatever the Force had in store for them. As long as it wasn’t a wholesale takeover by the dark side, he could live with it.

He walked purposefully back to Master Yoda’s meditation room, and met Obi Wan, Anakin, and Senator Amidala at the door.

“After you,” he said politely, and trailed in behind them.

Anakin was looking skittish, which was interesting.  Mace wondered what had spooked him.  

“Mace, Yoda,” said Obi Wan, “thank you for meeting with us.  Something very odd happened last night, and...well, let us tell you the story from the beginning.  We’d like to see what you think.”

So he told them of Palpatine’s insistence that Anakin join him at the opera, of his gifts and then his story of Darth Plagueis.

“Darth Plagueis?” Yoda asked, brow furrowed.  He looked at Mace, and Mace felt the clouds part and the sun shine down on him.

“A clue!” he said with relish.  “Palpatine is such an egotistical maniac that he gave himself away to Skywalker!”  He noticed Obi Wan and Padme exchange worried glances, while Anakin looked at the floor as though it was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen.

Aha, he thought.  

“You think Palpatine is the Sith lord we’ve been seeking?” asked Obi Wan.  “How long have you known?”

“We just figured it out ourselves, after he killed Dooku here in the Temple,” Mace explained kindly.  He could see that Obi Wan was agitated, thinking about all the times he let Palpatine interact with Skywalker when he was a boy.  He wasn’t the only one agitated about that. If he could just get that scheming neck between his two hands and...but that was not the Jedi way.  He took a calming breath and added, “My guess is that Darth Plagueis was Palpatine’s master.” 

Yoda closed his eyes, licked a finger, and held it up in the air as though testing for the cold wind of justice. “To confront him the time has come,” he said portentously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoda is plotting to have family units in the Jedi, and Mace is officially Tired. Only a couple more chapters to go--will our heroes live happily ever after? Magic 8 ball says all signs point to yes.
> 
> Oh, forgot to mention that the song is Synchronicity II by The Police.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Palpatine gets his comeuppance.

Igor was ruminating on his good fortune.  He had gotten kicked out of the university on Corellia after his illegal experiments on animals was discovered, but he’d still managed to get this really cool job on Coruscant.   On a top secret project, nonetheless, working on the cloned Zillo Beast. He was just getting ready to inject the beast with it’s daily round of sedatives when his annoying coworker Chad ran in.  

“Igor, come quick!  PETA is outside protesting again!”

“Get the hoses out and shoot them with water,  _ Chad _ ,” he said, annoyed.  “Can’t you see I’m busy?” He hated that guy.  Chad always got all the girls in the lab.

“I need your help,  _ Igor _ .  There’s too many of them.  Come on!”

“Fine,” he huffed.  Giving the sedative shots wasn’t a simple process, so he set aside his kit and figured he’d do it after they got rid of the protesters.  A mean smile spread across his face. Maybe he’d have the chance to shoot Chad with the hose while he was at it.  

“No tests on animals, no tests on animals!” chanted the protesters, coming closer when he and Chad slipped out the door and unlocked the cabinets that held the hoses.  Chad hadn’t been lying, there were a lot of people out here. 

“Beat it!” he yelled, but the protesters ignored him, continuing their chant.  He wasn’t even sure how they knew this was a lab, it was supposed to be a secret.  He bet Chad blabbed to one of his girlfriends.

He was unraveling the hose, squirting it randomly into the crowd, when he felt something wet and sticky splash across his side, and onto his face.  Paint! Those jerks!

He immediately started toward the bucket holder with his hose when he slid in a puddle, and ran into another protester’s legs.  

“Ahhh!” he screamed as they all went down in a tangled heap. One of the signs came down heavy on his head, and everything went black.

*****

Yoda, Mace, Obi Wan, Anakin, and Padme all piled into a speeder and took off for Palpatine’s office.

“When we get there you need to go hide in your office,” Anakin told Padme, frowning.  He wanted to leave her at the Jedi Temple, but she had refused.  

“No,” she declared.  “I won’t cower and hide while you all fight!”

Anakin sighed and looked to Obi Wan for help, but Obi Wan, who was sitting on the other side of Padme, was busy contemplating the Coruscant traffic.

“Obi Wan!  Back me up!” he demanded, and finally Obi Wan turned to them.

“Padme, if he’s a Sith Lord you really shouldn’t be involved,” he said.  “Having said that though, he might underestimate you and you could be of some use.”

“See! Obi Wan agrees with me!” they both yelled, then they frowned and turned their glare onto Obi Wan, who had resumed his intense interest in the surrounding traffic.

Mace, who was driving, rolled his eyes and looked at the three of them in the rearview mirror.  “Be quiet you three! Don’t make me turn this speeder around!” he yelled, then smacked himself in the forehead.  They’d just left the Temple 5 minutes ago and it was already the road trip from Malachor.

Seeing the bulging vein in his forehead, Anakin and Padme were suitably chastised and remained quiet for the rest of the trip.  It didn’t stop them from nudging each other and making faces though.

*****

They finally arrived at the Senate building, and the Jedi all cloaked their Force signatures so Palpatine wouldn’t notice them before they surprised him.  Anakin gave up trying to get Padme to leave when she immediately ran over to Yoda and glued herself to his side.  

“What are we going to say to him?” asked Anakin, as they moved through the long corridors.

“Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition,” suggested Obi Wan, but he was hit with Mace’s high intensity glare.  “Ahem. I guess we’ll let you do the talking, Mace,” he said.  

“We’re going to tell him he’s under arrest,” Mace said angrily.  Then he took a few deep breaths. 

And suddenly, they were standing in front of Palpatine’s door.  The five of them exchanged looks. Then Mace stepped forward and knocked.

*****

Palpatine was angrily brooding on the Unfairness of Life. What does a Sith Lord have to do to catch a break around here? One of his favorite plots may have been ruined by a stupid misunderstanding over a stupid candy… And he had yet to think of a way to get Anakin back into his clutches.  He hadn’t come up with a good way of telling Anakin he hadn’t actually touched his butt; the more he tried to explain in his head, the more it sounded like he was just making excuses.

When he heard the door knock he was annoyed, but at least whoever it was could take his mind off of this aggravating conundrum he’d found himself in. 

“Come in!” he yelled, not bothering to get up.

When he saw the Jedi (and Padme?) troop into his office he sneered inwardly. This couldn’t possibly be about Anakin’s butt, could it?  Outwardly he said, “Ah...hello Masters Jedi. Senator Amidala. To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“You’re under arrest,” growled Mace Windu.

Seriously?  This was WAY before he was ready.  Grrr. But he shoved his anger down, until the proper time to harness and unleash it.

“No, I’m not,” he said pleasantly.

“Yes you are!” insisted Windu.  

“No. I’m not.” He got slowly up from his desk then, and the four Jedi fell into defensive postures.  This wasn’t about Anakin’s butt then. They had somehow realized he and Sidious were one and the same…

“This sounds like treason Master Windu...perhaps you’d care to explain yourself.” He took a step toward them, and then another step.

“YOU are under arrest for treason, chancellor,” said Windu.  “We know you are also Darth Sidious, Sith Lord, and that you are in charge of the separatists too!”

“Oh?” he asked politely, seething underneath.  “Do you have any proof?”

And then he struck!  He shot Kenobi with lightning, scattering the others and sending Amidala scurrying behind a couch.  He brought out his lightsaber, and dueled Yoda and Windu while Anakin scuttled over to Kenobi’s side.  Missing one hand was really putting a crimp in his style! He had to take a second from his duel to shoot Anakin with lightning too, then he ran directly at Windu and Yoda, taking them completely off guard. He grabbed them and bonked their heads together, and they fell down in a pile.  

Well, wasn’t that disappointing, he thought to himself.  That was far easier than it should have been.  

He was walking over to where Anakin and Kenobi lay, and was surprised to find that Anakin had already popped back up.  His eyes were wild, his hair stuck out everywhere, but he looked flaming mad. He gestured threateningly with his lightsaber, while behind him, Kenobi was cautiously regaining his feet.  Out of the corner of his eye he noticed that Yoda and Windu were also up again, and circling toward him.  

Okay, so maybe it wouldn’t be so easy after all.  But then he saw all their faces change, from grim determination to surprise and even fear.  Did they see something out the window? No. This must be some kind of trick.  

“I’m not falling for that old ‘trick your opponent into turning around’ gag,” he said, insulted.  But then he heard a bump against the window. And another. And then a smash, with glass cracking and falling apart in sheets.  Unwillingly he wheeled around and came face to face with another enemy.  

The Zillo Beast.

He didn’t even have time to wonder how that stupid thing had escaped and, even worse, found him again, before it was nipping at his cloak.  He tried pushing past Anakin to escape, but that lump was frozen in spot, gaping at the creature, and Palpatine found he couldn’t budge him.  

The beast had gotten a good hold on his cloak now, thanks to Anakin standing in his way, and his attempts to get out of it weren’t working.  He used his lightsaber to cut himself free of it finally, then attempted once again to make a break for the door.

He was stopped painfully by a shot to his knee. 

“Arrgh!” he yelled, collapsing to the floor, grabbing his knee and writhing in pain.

“That was for Naboo,” said Padme coldly, leveling the blaster for another shot.  He’d almost forgotten her back there, behind the couch. But before he could choke her with the Force, the Zillo Beast realized it only had his cloak and decided that it wanted all of Palpatine.  And so it reached its head in further, and grabbed him by the scruff of his neck, and shook him a few times.

“Ahahahaha!” he yelled as he was tossed about like a doll, his lightsaber flying out of his hand.  

Obi Wan, Mace, and Yoda backed up to get out of the way, just in time to watch the beast throw Palpatine up into the air, and catch him in his mouth. Like popcorn.  Crunch, crunch, munch.

“Aaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!” yelled Palpatine, until he could yell no more. 

Crunch, snap, burp!

Padme’s blaster fell from her hand.  

The Zillo Beast retreated then with a satisfied roar, and it curled up on the landing pad for a well-deserved nap.

Yoda, Mace, Anakin, Obi Wan, and Padme all walked slowly to the window, and looked down at the creature in amazement.

“I knew I liked that guy,” Mace finally said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, the Zillo Beast got the revenge he so richly deserved. Padme also got the revenge she so richly deserved. Anakin balanced the Force by blocking Palpatine's escape route. And no Jedi had to compromise their ethics or tempt the darkside by killing anyone.
> 
> The "don't make me turn this car around" line was borrowed from all parents, everywhere, heh heh. Poor Dad Mace.
> 
> The Spanish Inquisition line was borrowed from Monty Python. 
> 
> Only one more chapter to go, to wrap everything up and make sure everyone lives happily ever after. :)


	17. Epilogue

_ Five years later... _

 

“This is the way the gentleman rides, the gentleman rides, the gentleman rides…” sang Ahsoka, dandling a red-headed infant on her knee and swaying her back and forth in time with the music.  Said infant was delighted, but older siblings Luke and Leia were not.

“It’s my turn!”

“No, MY turn! Penelope’s been on Auntie Sohka’s lap forEVER!” 

When the squabbling threatened to descend to blows, Obi Wan scooped the children up onto his own lap and joined in.  “And this is the way the farmer rides, giddyup, giddyup, giddyup!”

He still hadn’t lost his negotiating touch.

When Obi Wan had first come up with the idea of seducing Anakin to the light side of the Force, he never dreamed it would turn out quite so well for him personally.  Oh, he knew that life with Anakin would always be exciting and he had suspected that their attraction would make it a sexually fulfilling venture, but…

He was not expecting to join Anakin AND Padme, to create a family unit. 

He was also not expecting to be able to stay in the Jedi Temple, and as a Council Member no less.

The Close Encounter with the Dark Side had led Master Yoda to decide that what the Jedi Order really needed was a fresh approach, and the fresh approach he envisioned was Jedi families.

So Obi Wan, Padme, and Anakin had become the first inhabitants of the new Jedi Family Wing of the Temple.  However, they were not the only ones there for long. By the time their twins were born, they were joined by others. First was Quinlan Vos and Asajj Ventress.  Then Eeth Koth and Mina. Then Commander Bly and Aayla Secura. Then Tiplar and Adi Gallia...and well, the list kept growing. It appeared that after the heartache and bloodshed of the Clone Wars, more than a few Jedi were looking for something happier.

And then...and then Ahsoka had come home.  It was one of the best days they’d had, ranked right up there with the birth of their children.

*****

Anakin did not resume his role as Ahsoka’s master, her trials had earned her the right to be considered a knight.  Anakin, as a result, attained the rank of master.  

He did not care about that as much as he would have Before. No, much of his energy was focused on tending to their growing brood, and in loving his wife and husband.  He never, in his wildest dreams, could have imagined anything better. Jedi AND family. Ahh.

He couldn’t believe he’d ever thought, even for a second, that Palpatine had anything to offer him.

*****

Bail Organa was pressed into service as interim chancellor, following Palpatine’s timely death and denouement.  As each fresh instance of Palpatine’s treachery and corruption was revealed, all of his supporters were shamed into resigning, and the planets held new elections to put more trustworthy people into office (or at least it was to be hoped that they were trustworthy.  It would have been difficult to be less trustworthy). He also negotiated peace with the Separatists, and began the long and painful process of resolving differences and considering how best to reunify the galaxy.

Bail had a hard time keeping up with it all, but he was nominated as the permanent chancellor thanks to his efforts.  He insisted on a change to the constitution to limit chancellors to 2 four year terms. He also shepherded through a bill to prevent future senates from ceding power to the chancellor’s office ever again.

 

*****

Padme resigned as senator of Naboo, for she had been asked by Bail to take on a far more important role--that of protecting the Jedi. She became the Senate liaison for the Jedi, to make sure they had a representative voice in the Senate, and to make sure that no one tricked them into fighting a fake war ever again.  

She also was the spokesperson for the new Jedi focus on combating slavery.  Her passion for the subject, and Bail’s support, had quickly swayed many senators, especially those trying to erase the stain of corruption from their systems. 

***** 

When Tup’s chip malfunctioned during a routine visit to Kamino, Rex was right there to both stop him from attacking Master Shaak Ti, but also to help get to the bottom of what was going on.  Incessant questioning revealed the existence and purpose of the inhibitor chips, and Shaak Ti kept a close eye (and ready lightsaber) on the Kaminoans to make sure they were quick about removing the offending items.

*****

Mace was on a ship bound for Lerna, a planet they had found that would be a suitable home for the Zillo Beast since the Dugs declined to have him returned to Malastare.  He’d made it a point to return once a year on the anniversary of Palpatine’s death as a tribute to their comrade in arms.

As he landed the ship Mace felt a tremor in the Force, followed by a loud bellowing in the distance.  It turns out there had been another Zillo Beast on the planet, and a female one at that. Those bellows sounded like mating calls to him, so he wisely reentered the atmosphere and headed back to Coruscant.  He’d be back to visit next year, when chances were good that there might be little Zillo Beasts for him to fawn over.

*****

 

Yoda smiled serenely to himself. All was well in the Galaxy once more.  
  
  


The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! Thanks for joining me for this nutty ride. :D
> 
> I don't know when in the canon timeline Adi Gallia and Tiplar were killed, so I decided that they weren't dead yet. Because really, enough death and mayhem.


End file.
